bachelor christmas tree: round 2
journey to 100: 11.21
I forgot to post my update of my journey last week. The last time I posted was two weeks ago. Last week was ok. Not a great week. I missed 2 workouts and splurged once too many times. I lost 3 pounds. This week was better. I still missed one work out – last night – but it was worth it since I was doing something for someone.
This week I was an animal in the gym. My back is so sore from my workout Wednesday morning. It’s a good sore but it’s still sore. I’m proud of the progress I’m making. I’m down one more notch on my belt so that’s 3 notches in 8 weeks. I’m ok with that. This next week will be tough. I’m going to my parents so I’ll need to buy a gym membership at a local gym for a few days. I’ll probably just join at the “Y” there while I’m home. I know my mom has already started making holiday treats that are probably waiting on me as I type this. I am going to try HARD to not give in. I’m so close to hitting my mark – I just need to stay strong this week and work out harder. Wish me luck.
The results from the past 2 weeks are as follows:
2 weeks ago: 331
This week: 321
Total: 47 in 8 weeks.
I’m looking forward to completing the first part of my journey to 100. I WILL hit my mark of 100 lost by Christmas. I’m just hoping to do it a week or so before Christmas. That would be the best gift ever I have given to myself.
my respose to singleness…
I wrote a post a few days ago on how my singleness hit me like a ton of bricks one night last week while I was driving home from working out. I have had some really good discussions from it. Both through my blog and through email – even a few in person. So I thought I would do a post on my response to singleness.
Right now I’m really enjoying my singleness. Do I have a desire to be married with kids someday? Sure I do – but I have come to the realization that it will happen when God is ready for it to happen for me. I’m ok with being single. Last Wednesday night completely caught me by surprise. I wasn’t ready for it and didn’t see it coming. My post wasn’t aimed at anything in all honesty. It wasn’t a response to anything besides my desire and what was frustration last Wednesday night. I’m really ok with where I am at.
Singleness is a gift and a curse all wrapped up in one. As singles there are times we really love being single and there are times we really don’t. The thing about singleness is that it’s not about us. It’s completely about God and what he wants for us. God will call some of us to be single and some of us to be married. For those of us he calls to be single it’s not because he’s punishing us – it’s just that he knows we’re more effective for him single than we would be married. We have to come to a place where we are comfortable with that. Honestly I’m there.
On the whole attraction thing. Attraction comes in various forms. It isn’t based solely in the physical appearance of a person at all. Someone can be unattractive physically by the worlds standards but yet be attractive becuase of their walk with Christ. For me when I first meet a girl who is attractive physically I pray and ask God to make her unattractive to me until I get to know her for who she is in Christ. I know it sounds odd but when you find the true beauty of a person in their identity with Christ the beauty they hold is far more beautiful than anything that a physical attraction can bring. Does that mean I don’t ind girls attractive physically? Not at all – but it does help me keep things in check. The physical aspect does play a part in why I am back to working out and trying to get into shape again. I’m doing it more for me but I know it will also help down the road in relationships. It is superficial but it is what it is. I have to struggle through these things myself and I’m not void of them.
I like the freedom singleness brings but at the same time I look forward to a day to have a spouse who fully supports me in the ministry I have. I look forward to someone cheering me on and vice versa. I’m not focused on it though. God will work how he chooses when he chooses to. I know that. I’ve been through enough and have seen God do enough really amazing things to know that he can make anything happen – and he will because he is God! He can do that.
I’m reminded of Pauls words in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34,
” I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”
I want to be concerned about God’s work and what he wants me to do. I need it to be a discipline of my life. I don’t want anything to take away from that. Granted Paul isn’t trying to say marriage is bad at all. He’s just pointing out the obvious. There are so many more things to be concerned about in a marriage with a family. Right now I get to be concerned about God’s work and his will for me with little or no interruption – for the most part. I’m ok with that.
One resource that I found a year or two ago is Boundless. Boundless is an online singles resource and ministry of Focus on the Family. Don’t let that fool you – it is incredible. So much wisdom and the articles are not cheesy. I absolutely love it. It’s helping me to become a better man who is striving to be Godly as well. Don’t get me wrong while I’m content with where I am at in my singleness – I am currently studying and reading books on becoming a better man both in my relationship with God, others and yes – even girls. Right now I’m reading Elisabeth Elilliot’s ‘The Mark of a Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity.’ It has been a great book and is really stretching me.
I’m in a good spot and I do have some amazing friends and I tell them that. Sometimes I think they think I’m odd for telling them that – but it is what it is. I like to give verbal encouragement. I guess that’s my love language.
I love where I’m at. I love chasing God. I’m really in a good spot.
a prayer…
God I come to you recognizing I can do nothing on my own. Even when I try – I try knowing full well I can’t do anything aside from you. So why do I try? I try in my flesh because deep down I think I can do life on my own. Deep down my will is too strong. I know you’ve been breaking it – 33 years and counting you’ve been breaking it.
I know I have come so far form where I was. I am closer to where you want me – closer – just not where you want me. Or is this where you want me? In a position to full and whole-heartedly depend on you even through my failures…I want to be moldable and teachable. Break my will. Make me into the Godly guy you want me to be – whatever the cost. Even through pains and heartaches – continue to break me. Continue to mold me.
I love you more than anything – or at least that’s what I tell myself. How am I really doing with that? I know I don’t love you sometimes like I should…help me with that. Draw me close to you. Pull me up into your lap never letting me go. Break me. Mold me. Comfort me. Bring into my life the things you see fit and take the things that aren’t fit for me.
Thanks for loving me the way you do. I know I don’t make it easy. Still – you love me. Keep pulling me – drawing me ever closer until I turn into the man you see in me.
charlie bit me: autotune
Auto-tuning has become pretty big within the music world. Especially within the hip-hop and R&B genres. This video made me laugh pretty good.
crying out to God…
Let me just throw this out as a disclaimer here: this is not directed at any certain group of people or persons. This is just trying to let you in on what I’m dealing with – which is small potatoes compared to some things people are currently going through.
Last week was a tough week for me. I was just really struggling with my singleness. I don’t know what it is but I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. The thing is I’m not sure who I have here that I can really talk about it with. I mean really talk. Sometimes I feel like I’m on an island doing life on my own – while desperately crying out on the inside,
“I don’t like feeling alone!”
but not saying anything because I don’t feel like I have anyone who will listen. I’m just being honest. I know I do have those people in my life but lets be honest – life gets messy and people like to think that pastors have it all together. I so wish that was true right now.
Wednesday night I was driving home from working out and I was overwhelmed by it. I all of a sudden felt so lonely and just broke down and started bawling. God and I had an intense conversation. I even yelled at him because I feel so broken. It went something like this,
“God I don’t want to feel this way! If I’m supposed to be single I’m ok with that. Just take away this longing to be married to someone who can appreciate me for me! Don’t let me have these desires if you’re not going to do anything about it! More than anything I so want what you want for me – even if it’s what I have now…just take this away from me. Please…PLEASE – I am begging you…”
I was completely inconsolable to the point of going home and falling asleep just bawling crying out to God. Someone once told me I was too picky but I am unwilling to just settle. I can’t. It’s not who I am and it’s not who God wants me to be. Some would even mock me to find out there’s a girl who is absolutely physically attractive that wants to date me – but she’s not solid. She’s a believer but we don’t line up on the big things like: our walk with God, divorce, homosexuality and more. I just can’t. She knows it – we’ve talked about our differences. Do I wish we lined up more? Absolutely but I can’t compromise on my convictions and beliefs. I just can’t – which makes it tough.
At the same time I can’t help but feeling like I’m dysfunctional because I’m not datable. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m tired of not being attractive enough (or at all). I’m tired of not being successful enough. I’m tired of not being the Abercrombie and Fitch guy. I’m tired of not being Godly enough or worth it enough. I’m tired of being judged by my waistline and not my God-line or at least feeling that way.
I’m just tired.
I was pouring my heart out to God telling him all of this Wednesday night. I felt broken, embarrassed and ashamed. Then I was reminded of Hebrews 4:15, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” Jesus can sympathize with me – not just in my temptations but also in my longings. My desires. The cries of my heart. It grieves him when I grieve because he’s sympathetic. He cries when I hurt because he cares enough – he even sympathizes. Jesus sympathizes with me – even while I’m crying out with God.
Wednesday night I know Jesus was crying and grieving with me and for me. This not only brings comfort but also brings assurance of a greater hope than anything I could ever experience while here on earth. I know all of the Christian cliches and I’m not looking for those. This is just me ranting. Some may think I’m mad and I’m really not mad – just frustrated. Sometimes I can’t help but think,
“God come on! Some of my friends or people I know are treating their wives horribly and they don’t love you. I love you and want to do what is right so what gives?”
I’m not looking right now either. That’s why I’m so confused at why this is a big deal for me. I’ve come to a place where I’m ok being single. I really am. I’ve got a great job. I do have good Godly friends. I love our students and our church. Why this has been a big deal for me this week I’m not sure. I take comfort in knowing God is in control of my life and that he will do what he sees best to do for me and with me.
I’m ok with that because he does know best.
journey to 100: 11.7
This week went by so fast. I made some HORRIBLE food choices this week. Last Saturday was my “high calorie day” – a cheat day – where I can eat whatever I want. Well my cheat day turned into 3 days. It was not good. Last weekend I had:
- Saturday – 3 taco meal from Taco John’s and a LARGE Dr. Pepper. I had pizza that night.
- Sunday - I went out for Mexican and did ok. I got the burrito meal with a tostada. Then Bible study came and I failed big time. I had 4 rice crispy bars with chocolate on them. I had chips and bean dip and I also drank 2 Dr. Peppers.
- Monday Night Football – I had a HUGE plate of tater tots. I had some chips and 3 bags of fruits snacks and about 5 glasses of lemonade.
So my cheat day lasted 3 days where I consumed over 3500 calories each day no doubt. So this week was rough on me. Then yesterday on my way home I got sick to my stomach and had to pull off the road and go out behind my van to – well – you know. I had great workouts though. I bumped my elliptical time up to 60 minutes over the past 3 or 4 days and that has been kicking my tail but going so good. My weights have gone up quite a bit this week too. So it was an ok week overall – made some poor eating choices but my workouts went really well.
So here it is. The weights for this week:
Last week: 338
This week: 331
Total: 37 in 6 weeks
journey to 100: just a typical meal
Some people have been asking me what a typical meal looks like for me. Or how I can eat healthy and still get full on a meal. It’s pretty easy. Above is a picture of a typical meal at my house. Sometimes I do a chicken breast, veggies and yogurt. Other times I’ll do a sandwich, fruit and yogurt. For breakfast I’ll have a bar of some kind. Maybe a Nature Valley or a Cliff Bar (I will also have one of either of these for a snack between meals), an apple or banana and maybe some yogurt. Some days I’ll just grab a protein shake and drink it on the go. My meals usually hit between 450-650 calories. Sometimes when I’m done working out if I haven’t had supper I’ll grab a foot-long chicken breast on wheat and or a foot-long black forest ham on Italian or honey oat from Subway loaded with veggies. I go in there so much they know how to make my sub without asking. It just depends on the day and whether or not I will be able to snack between meals. Sometimes for a snack I’ll do a 100 calorie min-bag of popcorn. I’m not a big popcorn guy so it’s a rare occasion when I do grab some popcorn.
Honestly eating meals like this there are some time when I cant’ finish the meal completely. It’s pretty satisfying knowing I’m only getting 450-650 calories in one meal.
why i’m a winner…
Because Chris from Canada will pick me as the winner to the contest on his blog. What contest? The one where he’s giving away a copy of Paul Baloche’s new cd “Glorious.” I have been a fan of Baloche’s music since I was in college. He has written some classics that will probably never fade. His music is a lot of the reason why I write worship anthems now. They are simple yet profoundly true and can easily be used in corporate worship. When I was in Western Nebraska I traveled to Colorado Springs to an Integrity worship conference and Baloche lead one night. He was amazing.
I am excited tow in Chris from Canada’s contest. I know he’s excited at declaring me the winner..and if not it was worth a shot. There are 5 blogs total giving Baloche’s new cd away this week. They are below;
- Rich Kirkpatrick
- Joshua Seller
- Brent (in worship)
- Chris from Canada
- Fred McKinnon (his blog is having issues today)
my uncle’s recovery
This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions for our family. I found out last Tuesday night that my uncle Paul was going in Wednesday to have a double bypass open heart surgery. It was supposed to be pretty routine and it was everything but routine. The surgery was only supposed to take 4.5 hours and took almost 7 hours. They ended up doing a triple bypass heart surgery on him. They couldn’t find veins they wanted to use to repair the old ones. They got everything done then they couldn’t get his heart to pump. All on Wednesday night.
From the way things sounded everyone was pretty sure he wasn’t going to make it. Thursday came and they were going to try to take him off of the heart pump to see if his heart would take over and his blood pressure dropped while bathing him and changing his linens so that was postponed. Friday they took him off of the heart pump and his heart kicked in. Saturday they were able to take him off of the ventilator and his lungs were working strong. By Saturday afternoon they had him up and walking and were moving him into a room away from ICU. The doctors are now saying he is going to make a full recovery.
So many people were praying for him. Our congregation here in Newell was praying. My friends on Facebook were praying. My friends on Twitter were praying. I tried to text a friend of mine and was one digit off on the area code and got some guy named Steve from Houston – he was praying for him as well. The body of Christ always amazes me when someone is in a pinch.
Thank you for praying. You are truly appreciated.
