my respose to singleness…
I wrote a post a few days ago on how my singleness hit me like a ton of bricks one night last week while I was driving home from working out. I have had some really good discussions from it. Both through my blog and through email – even a few in person. So I thought I would do a post on my response to singleness.
Right now I’m really enjoying my singleness. Do I have a desire to be married with kids someday? Sure I do – but I have come to the realization that it will happen when God is ready for it to happen for me. I’m ok with being single. Last Wednesday night completely caught me by surprise. I wasn’t ready for it and didn’t see it coming. My post wasn’t aimed at anything in all honesty. It wasn’t a response to anything besides my desire and what was frustration last Wednesday night. I’m really ok with where I am at.
Singleness is a gift and a curse all wrapped up in one. As singles there are times we really love being single and there are times we really don’t. The thing about singleness is that it’s not about us. It’s completely about God and what he wants for us. God will call some of us to be single and some of us to be married. For those of us he calls to be single it’s not because he’s punishing us – it’s just that he knows we’re more effective for him single than we would be married. We have to come to a place where we are comfortable with that. Honestly I’m there.
On the whole attraction thing. Attraction comes in various forms. It isn’t based solely in the physical appearance of a person at all. Someone can be unattractive physically by the worlds standards but yet be attractive becuase of their walk with Christ. For me when I first meet a girl who is attractive physically I pray and ask God to make her unattractive to me until I get to know her for who she is in Christ. I know it sounds odd but when you find the true beauty of a person in their identity with Christ the beauty they hold is far more beautiful than anything that a physical attraction can bring. Does that mean I don’t ind girls attractive physically? Not at all – but it does help me keep things in check. The physical aspect does play a part in why I am back to working out and trying to get into shape again. I’m doing it more for me but I know it will also help down the road in relationships. It is superficial but it is what it is. I have to struggle through these things myself and I’m not void of them.
I like the freedom singleness brings but at the same time I look forward to a day to have a spouse who fully supports me in the ministry I have. I look forward to someone cheering me on and vice versa. I’m not focused on it though. God will work how he chooses when he chooses to. I know that. I’ve been through enough and have seen God do enough really amazing things to know that he can make anything happen – and he will because he is God! He can do that.
I’m reminded of Pauls words in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34,
” I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”
I want to be concerned about God’s work and what he wants me to do. I need it to be a discipline of my life. I don’t want anything to take away from that. Granted Paul isn’t trying to say marriage is bad at all. He’s just pointing out the obvious. There are so many more things to be concerned about in a marriage with a family. Right now I get to be concerned about God’s work and his will for me with little or no interruption – for the most part. I’m ok with that.
One resource that I found a year or two ago is Boundless. Boundless is an online singles resource and ministry of Focus on the Family. Don’t let that fool you – it is incredible. So much wisdom and the articles are not cheesy. I absolutely love it. It’s helping me to become a better man who is striving to be Godly as well. Don’t get me wrong while I’m content with where I am at in my singleness – I am currently studying and reading books on becoming a better man both in my relationship with God, others and yes – even girls. Right now I’m reading Elisabeth Elilliot’s ‘The Mark of a Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity.’ It has been a great book and is really stretching me.
I’m in a good spot and I do have some amazing friends and I tell them that. Sometimes I think they think I’m odd for telling them that – but it is what it is. I like to give verbal encouragement. I guess that’s my love language.
I love where I’m at. I love chasing God. I’m really in a good spot.
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